ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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