I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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