No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize