dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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