Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
