Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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