He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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