just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
