i permit you to call me
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize