you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
