I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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