ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
