he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
