there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize