I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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