I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
