My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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