I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize