i may or may not be watching the land before time
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
