This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
