You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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