This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
