cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
