My first STD was from a foam party
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
