if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
