..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
