I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize