we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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