I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
