I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
