Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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