I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
