I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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