did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
