the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
