Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
