Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How external is "for external use only"?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
