Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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