youre lurking in front of me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
