I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
