is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
