as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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