is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize