He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
