I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
