i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
