Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I hate all girls vehemently.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize