Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Shame - the story of my life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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