My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
