Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm like, not good at living.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
