I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
