First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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