Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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