i would punch a child for taco bell
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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