im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
