Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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