Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
