I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
