Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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