Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
