We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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