I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
