I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
