I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
