Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
