There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
