whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
