i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
