just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
