I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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