just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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