Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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