I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Green mimosas i think yes
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
