Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
