Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
