i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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